Beyond Mediation

Beyond Mediation - Part 1

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Ok, so you've tried talking to your neighbour, even offered mediation, all of which has resulted in rejection by your NFH or, more often, your NFH claiming that all the problems have been caused by you, even when you tried to be reasonable with them. You have a Neighbour From Hell.

Firstly though, we make no apologies for repeating that “YOU ARE NOT ALONE”.

“YOU ARE NOT ALONE”. There, we did it again.

It made us feel so good that we’re going to say it again. No, we’ve got a better idea. We'll say it together but in the first person…

“I AM NOT ALONE” Three more times please.

Above all else remember this. At the time of writing the NFHiB board had reached nearly a thousand members, and this is on top of the thousands of hits the board receives every day from non-members. This is a big problem in society so do not think that you have been unlucky. In fact we’re pretty confident that the abbreviation NFH will soon become part of the Collins English Dictionary.

However with all the talk of mediation etc. and trying to reach an “amicable solution”, we know that the words “reasonable” and “amicable” are wasted on most NFHs. Their only goal in life is to try and cause you and us as much misery as possible.

But after visiting this board, you'll see that we emphasise the importance of playing by your rules and not playing the NFHs at their own game. To model your behaviour on your NFH invariably results in the situation becoming worse. Plus as NFHs operate on a different level to you, you wouldn’t be any good at it anyway. And, as you will see, that’s just as well.

So what can we do? We log all the harassment and intimidation, try and ignore the NFH, but is there anything we can do to fight back?

Well, actually, yes there is. There’s a lot you can do and equally a lot you DON’T DO. But if you’re looking for ways to act illegally, then this is the wrong place for you. And we suggest you visit a site run by Neighbours From Hell themselves. Funnily enough though, we’ve never found one of those. But as it involves a modicum of intelligence, we won’t hold our breath.

We tried looking under Ar*eh* but found nothing. It may happen one day. Can you imagine the messages? “Dear fellow a**eh*les. My neighbours are fine, upstanding and friendly folk who have always been kind and honest whilst respecting our privacy. We think it’s about time we taught these self-righteous do-gooders a lesson. In fact only the other day their pet hamster looked at me in a FUNNY WAY……etc and so forth”

But it’s a safe bet you’re here because, unlike your NFH, you actually have some intelligence and want to deal with your NFH in a sensible way, rather than the ranting, raving, furtive and cowardly approach that your NFH takes against you. Let’s face it; your NFH has probably spent years perfecting the art of being the scourge of decent households whilst you’re probably a complete novice. And that’s how we want you to stay.

As Yoda, the Jedi Master in Star Wars said, “Fear, anger, aggression. Forces of the dark side are these. If once you start down the dark side, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.” Or something like that. If you want further information on the dark side and good side check out this link. OK we know Yoda was just a puppet with Frank Oz’s hand up his backside but we reckon even with that problem he was still right. Even if you’re not a Star Wars fan you'll see some of your NFH traits in there.

Star Wars Stuff

And this shows your intelligence. No we don’t mean the Star Wars stuff. You want to know what drives your NFH.

Why do they act the way they do? For you, it just seems like totally irrational behaviour. Well, why should you care? The NFH doesn’t care about you so why should you about them? Well, we think it’s important that you do know what drives your NFH and we’ve seen enough stories on NFHiB to see some common traits. As we hope you'll find out, when you see what drives your NFH you'll be better equipped at dealing with them.

You don’t need to care about the NFH; you want to know what motivates them. We should point out that none of us are professionally qualified in psychology or psychotherapy. What we do have is far better, tons and tons of experience.

That’s not to say we haven’t drawn on professional research where necessary but we hope to bring it all into a coherent whole for you, the victim of Neighbours From Hell. Anyway on our quest (quest! We like that word. Sounds like we’re on a journey to seek the evil power source of the NFHs) we'll try and find out what drives the NFHs and how to deal with them on your terms, not theirs. We should point out that though we refer to the NFH in the masculine gender, that this covers both. So, first of all…