Beyond Mediation - Part 3
- Part 1 - Introduction
- Part 2 - What makes a typical NFH?
- Part 3 - What drives an NFH?
- Part 4 - NFH Attacks - Why Me?
- Part 5 - Understanding the NFH
- Part 6 (1) - Defending yourself against the NFH (Section 1)
- Part 6 (2) - Defending yourself against the NFH (Section 2)
- Part 7 - Fighting back against your NFH
- Part 8 - Keep a Cool Head
- View or Add Feedback about this article
3. WHAT DRIVES AN NFH?
Before we start, you know what’s coming?
That’s right. “I AM NOT ALONE”.
By now you’re probably getting all teary eyed at this. That’s one of the things we’ve found on this board when people first visit. That they thought they were alone in experiencing problems but they quickly find out that many people are also having to go through similar problems.
Ok, so we'll give you a moment to compose yourself.
Come on, come on, pull yourself together, we’ve a lot to get through.
So what could motivate the NFH? When most people you know are perfectly reasonable, your NFH seems to make a life career out of causing you as much bother as they can.
And this is where we start to enter the dark and murky world of the NFH so better brace yourself. Bring your cloak and shield. Oh and a thermos and a few sandwiches wouldn’t go amiss. Well, we did say it was a quest. What’s a quest without a few dark murky bits along the way?
You may be thinking by now, “Quest? Sandwiches along the way? I don’t think these guys are taking this NFH thing seriously.”
Well let us assure you that we do. We take the problems associated with NFH very seriously indeed. But one of our chief weapons has always been analogy. Comparing our situation to other events has proven to be one of the most effective strategies in dealing with NFHs. Have a look at some of the avatars and signatures our members use in the forum boards.
But yes, we'll freely admit to having the odd laugh along the way. Most of the moderating team are still having to live with NFHs and there are still moments when we want to throttle our respective NFHs, as long as these thoughts are kept in your head, but equally when you see some of the stupid and ridiculous things that our NFHs get up to, we’ve had the odd giggle. And again, we hope this becomes a vital weapon in your arsenal. Once you realise how the NFH works, you'll be a long way to forming your own strategy for dealing with them. But we'll cover this more later.
So what motivates the NFH? Well, it could be whole host of things. Unhappy experiences in childhood, being set a poor example, envy, chemical imbalances in the brain. The list is endless but ultimately, we think it boils down to a single issue.
The NFH hate the world around them, but most of all the NFH hate themselves.
Yep, when your NFH wakes up in the morning, the thing they hate to see are themselves in the mirror. They are truly the most miserable and sad people on the planet. Of course there’s a bit more to it than that but we'll expand on this later.
“OK so why would this affect me?” We can hear you asking. Well the NFH live in a world of hate and misery, so when they see you forging ahead, with a positive outlook, dealing with your own problems and tragedies and emerging the other end, they cannot bear to see you inhabiting a happy and positive world. Above all, you can’t be seen to be better than them
However for years it may well be the case that they will, on the surface, get along with you fine, but all the time they will be looking for and waiting for a single reason to fall out with you and what they then want to is to drag you into their own world of hate and misery. If the NFH perceives you as being superior to them for whatever twisted reason they will have perceived many in their world as being responsible for their failure and lack of achievement and whatever it was that you did wrong, in their eyes you are now and forever will be a part of their evil world.
“Now hang on a minute NFHiB. Lack of Achievement?” I’ve heard of NFHs who live in mansions with acres of land. Hardly a failure.”
Having a large house, expensive cars and a pool doesn’t make you a success. We need to define failure.
A failure is the inability for a person to live with him or herself. That, our fellow NFH sufferer, is your NFH. And that is what drives them.