Beyond Mediation

Beyond Mediation - Part 4

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So why should this affect you? The NFH hates himself, so what?

Well, from our own experiences NFHs largely have what is known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We'll be covering more on this later. (“More stuff later? This is all beginning to build up into a hell of a lot of stuff later”. Don’t worry; it'll come into a coherent whole)

It’s a long word we know and it comes from the Greek fable about Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection. Actually this Narcissus bloke was a bit dim and as he leaned over to kiss his own reflection, he fell in and drowned. Yes, we know what you’re thinking but keep those thoughts in your head.

“Now just hang on one doggone minute NFHiB. You were saying just a minute ago that NFH’s hated themselves. Now you’re saying they’re in love with themselves? Make your flippin’ mind up”

That’s a good point so glad to see you’re keeping up. NFHs are in love with the ideal image of themselves. We don’t want to quote too much from other sources, but we probably will, but this extract from an online article about Narcissistic Personality Disorder is as good as any:

"As Freud said of narcissists, these people act like they're in love with themselves. And they are in love with an ideal image of themselves -- or they want you to be in love with their pretend self, it's hard to tell just what's going on. Like anyone in love, their attention and energy are drawn to the beloved and away from everyday practicalities. Narcissists' fantasies are static -- they've fallen in love with an image in a mirror or, more accurately, in a pool of water, so that movement causes the image to dissolve into ripples; to see the adored reflection they must remain perfectly still. Narcissists' fantasies are tableaux or scenes, stage sets; narcissists are hung up on a particular picture that they think reflects their true selves (as opposed to the real self -- warts and all)."

How to recognise a narcissist

And that’s the crux of their problem. They hate their true selves so they have conjured up an image of themselves that they want the rest of the world to see. The problem is that this exists only in their mind. So when you see your NFH strutting around the area or estate acting as though they own it, chances are that in whatever fantasy they are living out, it’s exactly what they do think.

Now when you act in a way, it can be big or small, that threatens the NFH and his own perfect existence then you are immediately and forever more banished from his world. Here’s a tip. If you want to get along with your NFH then worship the ground they walk on. Let them know that you think they’re wonderful and you are a mere mortal who isn’t fit to lick their shoes and you'll get along famously. As it turns out this is a solution, but we’ve yet to find a victim of a NFH who has adopted this approach. However, you’re more likely to have seen it with the NFHs family. They will have learnt, after years, that to get along with the NFH they need to do just that. Worship him.

But you? You will have done something to upset the NFH. He'll be thinking that you don’t worship him, you don’t ADORE him so therefore you are evil. Pure and simple.

And the bottom line is that you live next door to your NFH. It wouldn’t have mattered who lived there. At some point an issue would have been raised about a boundary, fence, extension, noise, anything really. But eventually something would have triggered off the NFH to react against you. This is why for years many members find that they get along with the NFH perfectly ok, but looking back many members also find that the NFH was a bit too intrusive into their lives. All that was happening was that the NFH was using you for his worshipping supply (narcissistic supply).

So why you? Well, it wouldn’t have mattered who lived there. We’re afraid that it was just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sorry, but that’s the simple and brutal truth. Yes you can try and put right whatever was the initial issue that upset your NFH. But by this stage, it doesn’t matter what you do to pacify your NFH.

You’re in his evil world and that is where, as far as he’s concerned, you stay. So once one issue is resolved, he'll immediately be after another issue to harass you with. Again and again. His static image of himself unfortunately includes you in his “evil” world.