Beyond Mediation

Beyond Mediation - Part 7

Pages Available:


First off, for those of you who came straight here without reading the rest, go back and start reading again. Much of what we'll be discussing will be meaningless unless you know the background.

OK? Everyone here who should be here?

So, fighting back. Well, the good news is that if you adopt the policies mentioned in the previous section you’re already fighting back against the NFH. He’s being deprived of what feeds him and he has encountered an adversary who, probably for the first time, refuses to play by his rules.

But is there any kind of direct action you can take? Yes there is, but we repeat that this can only be done legally. Do not fall into the NFH antics of harassment or threats.

If you want a detailed look at narcissists this website is useful.

Detailed look at narcissists and we'll be using some of the information contained therein.

But before we delve into fighting back, we need to look a bit closer at your NFHs personality and his weaknesses.

Every NFH situation is different to some degree but we hope we’ve now been able to put in some sort of order how your NFH operates.

NFH’s believe they are clever, far above anyone else. All part of their fantasy ideal self. What we need to distinguish between is the reality and your NFHs fantasy.

This is why it is absolutely vital that you arm yourself with unequivocal 100% true information. As we’ve pointed out, narcissists are superhuman in their ability to concoct a highly plausible story based on the available facts.

But the psychological pillar on which they stand is very fragile and its very easy to break a narcissist. They believe that everyone should cater to their whims.

Should you ever have to deal with your NFH in a legal framework, then if your evidence is absolutely incontrovertible then your NFH will react with rage and a desperate attempt to re-establish his ideal self will expose facts he had no conscious intention of exposing.

Also any insinuation that your NFH isn’t special will make him lose control. If you say he is boring, his needs aren’t everyone’s priority, no special concessions will be made to him, that the court can decide what to do with him as you can’t be bothered to deal with it will all drive him into a rage.

“But if all this drives him into a rage, then won’t this make him worse?”

It could do, but the intention is to deter the NFH. NFHs live in a state of constant rage, repressed aggression, envy and hatred. As they believe everyone else is like them, they are paranoid, suspicious, scared and erratic. To act effectively, one has to strike repeated escalating blows at the NFH, until they let go.

If you react to his provocation them you are letting him know that he is important. The trick is to let him know that he isn’t important, he’s an irrelevance as far as you are concerned. As we know the NFH will play a series of short term games to try and provoke you. Each time you don’t react, his rage builds up until it gets turned in on itself and his ideal self is seriously under threat. If you won’t defer to his ideal self then he will do what he can to protect it and withdraw.

Should your friends or neighbours ever be drawn into a conversation about the NFH, treat it as a minor annoyance. “Oh you mean Mr. NFH next door? Well, he’s not that bad. He’s only a (insert career here). Shame he’s not succeeded in life...If he only realised what we know about him”. That sort of thing. But don’t engage in a full blown character assassination. And only raise it if the other neighbours raise the issue first.

You can also drop hints that you are in possession of information that will finish him off. “Well if we ever got to court, we’ve a mountain of evidence to use, but no big deal". As long as you maintain a casual air, that you aren’t in the slightest bit bothered by your NFH, he will feel threatened. Of course all of what you say won’t all get back to the NFH but as he is so suspicious and paranoid, he will be wanting to see how you react.

Another way to attack if you’re having vandalism problems is to make out you’ve installed CCTV. NFH’s are so paranoid that they won’t want their antics exposed so will withdraw. How you do this is up to you. By using a fake sticker or fake cameras for example. But make sure these are pointing into your property only. Of course you can always install real cameras. Have a look at the guidelines we have on NFHiB.

You could also do this with noise. If your NFH is playing loud music outside then set up a fake monitoring equipment arrangement. A few wires and speakers out of a briefcase in the garden would probably do. Again your NFH will be after a reaction so he'll be watching you. In his paranoid mind, if he sees you with what looks like expensive monitoring equipment monitoring him, he'll withdraw.

What we need to point out is that most of the drama takes place in the paranoid mind of the NFH. His imagination runs amok. He finds himself snarled by horrifying scenarios, pursued by the “vilest” certainties. The NFH is his own worst persecutor and prosecutor.

You don’t have to do much except utter a vague reference, make an ominous allusion, delineate a possible turn of events. Your NFH will do the rest for you. He’s like a little child in the dark, generating the very monsters that paralyse him with fear. Sounds like we're back on our “quest” again!

Detailed look at narcissists

As you will now know your NFH better than any of us, we’re sure you can think of other methods to deter your NFH. But make sure they are legal. We cannot emphasise this enough.

We hope you’ve now been given the insight to know how your NFH operates but if we go into Lord Of The Rings mode, with this knowledge comes great responsibility.

There are of course, the usual ways of fighting back such as contacting the Environmental Health Department of your local Council and calling the police. The police, as we’ve already mentioned, will often not want to get involved but it's important that you make them file a report and give you a reference number. Should you end up in court, this will be vital.

If your NFH or a gang is involved in any kind of violence against you, call 999 immediately.